i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its liver damage thursday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
