you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
