I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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