guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
