Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
