If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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