Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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