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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
