Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
