Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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