i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
