Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
