he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
