But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He passed out mid-signature
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
