I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
