I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
