It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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