I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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