I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
