She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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