he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
