ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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