Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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