On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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