I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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