I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
