what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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