On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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