We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Randomize
