there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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