My first STD was from a foam party
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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