All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
