i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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