3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize