hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
