The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
