Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
