Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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