His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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