the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
