First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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