i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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