So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
