He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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