He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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