My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
