You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
