dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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