Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
