you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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