she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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