I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
