What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize