You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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