Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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