I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
