Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
