He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
home. puking in laundry basket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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