that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
