I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
