So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
