I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
