And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
