my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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