She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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